Sunday, October 5...

My Dad has been passed for 24 years now, and I still think of him everyday. I think of him and my mom together, and what it would have been like today. I remember little of their marriage cause I was little and you don't pay attention to those things when your 7. But I do remember my Dad on the weekends always cooking, always playing goofy, singing around while he cooked. I remember me and my mom in the car going downtown Jersey City to pick him up from work (He worked in the stock market so it was easier I guess for my mom to take him to work and not worry about parking). I remember one day (I'm dating myself here) but he used to put his shaving cream in a cup and making it all foamy and then I would take the brush and smear it all over his face before he shaved....or when I turned 7 I got up and ran in the kitchen and he was making me a big breakfast. He told me turning 7 was very magical, and told me to look at the table and my markers started moving, and I remember feeling so special that day (although now I know he used a string!) but still, its those few memories that I have that 24 years later help me get through it all. It still hurts, and I guess it always will. It hurt more recently when my Mom got sick. That was a reality check beyond reality checks...I lost my dad when I was so young, and now all I have is my Mom and she is sick...WOW! its scary, and I am learning how to deal with it. There are times where I feel like I got jiped, like how come i didn't get to have a Dad when all the rest of my friends did, and there are times where I get so angry cause I see people mistreat there Dad's and they truly don't even know how lucky they are to have them alive and being a part of their lives. I often wonder if he is looking down at me, is he proud? Is he happy for me? Did i respect my mom right, did I make it thought life so far ok? All those things go through my head all the time. But Like i said, I guess they always will. I have a letter that my dad wrote me while he was in the hospital right before he died. Its scratchy writing cause my mom told me he was really sick and he had the IV in his hand when he wrote it. When i look at that letter now, it hurts me still that my dad was in so much pain, so sick and basically he wrote me that little letter and then he passed. (OK, i thought I would have felt better to talk about it, but now i am crying!!!!)
I will take a pic and post it on here that way I can share my Dad with all who never got to know him...I will look for a clear pic to post cause our scanner doesn't work that well...