40...

Ah, the number 40. Some people who turn 40 are freaked out, some people who have 40 credit cards and all the bills that go with it don't like that number, and then it could be the number 40 is the luckiest number. For me, the number 40 symbolizes the amount of weight I have lost as of today. and even though I have gone clothes shopping, and I am still the same damn size...and everyone says "OMG! You losing weight". For all those people who say that, I challenge you to draw me a map of WHERE THE HELL IT WAS LOST FROM CAUSE I STILL LOOK THE SAME!!!! (Ok, sorry about that rant! LOL!)
So, to turn it into a positive, I take the number that I saw on the scale on Wednesday, and I think back to September 22 when I stepped on the scale and bursted into tears. I was never that heavy, I was never no light weight, and the last time I was a size 6 was when I was 5 years old...but that number plays over and over in my head (ok, I will only share that number once I am done losing all my weight) but for now, take it as a OMG its a huge number. So, back to what I was saying, I take that original number and I cringe, but it keeps me trucking. It keeps me saying no Helena, no cupcake or no yummy, delicious coffee roll from Dunkin Donuts, or no Helena, no 3rd plate of dinner! (Oh yeah, bring it on! I would eat 3 plates like it was my profession!) So, its a challenge every day, but I do it, and I do it for myself, not for anyone. So, I felt the need to vent, in a happy way to be proud of myself to say, Yes, I lost 40 pds, but in a bad way cause I don't know where it went! LOL!!!!

I was sent this email...

I get all the crazy jokes, lists to fill out about my favorite color, foods etc. But this one was kinda different. It's called "Things you would have never known about me", and it asks you to write 10 - 20 things that people who receive the email would be so shocked/amused or OMG, no way! So, I decided to post it instead of sending it out...I'm guessing I did this cause it took alot to think about all this stuff!!!!

1. When I was 15, I took my Grandfather's car up to the 7-11 with Beth, and she was parking it back into the garage, and hit the step. So, I blamed it on the dog's leash getting caught and we had to "Hammer it out"...

2. When I was little I wanted to become a race car driver, a teacher or a singer (Wide Ranges, I know!)

3. In 8th grade my hair was so long, and I wanted it cut. So my Mom said after I get my pictures then she would have cut it, I, being impatient didn't want to wait! So, I took my craft scissors (you know, the lefty/righty scissors) and cut it above my ears! It took 6 months to grow, and it grew in width, not length, so then I really had to get it short!

4. I sang in my 4th grade talent show, Whitney Houston's "Greatest Love of all"

5. I sliced my finger open with a switchblade when i was 2 weeks away from getting my license, and in the ER all i cared about was if I was going to be able to take the driving test!

6. When we first moved here I was scared to sleep upstairs cause my bedtime was still early, so i would come back down, sit on the stairs and wind up falling asleep until I would hear my Mom start to walk down the hall and then I would say "Oh, I needed a drink!", but I think she knew...

7. I once saved a injured piegon and tried to nurse it back to health, but that didn't work out as planned!

8. I had a duck, well me and Gerri had a duck, and we named it Jada (Ja- is for her Fiance Jason and Da- was for my Hubby David)

9. I was always sick when I was a kid, with ear problems. So, I remember if I was good, I used to get taken to Toy's R' Us and got to pick out a toy, and I always wanted the Snoopy Ice Cone maker, but I was always sick with bronchitus, ear infections etc. and my Mom would never let me get that game. When I was 21 I bought my own!

10. I can't remember any more right now!!!!

Were you ever asked...How was your weekend?

I don't want anyone to ask how my weekend was. And I don't say that in a harsh way. I say that in a way of scariness (Is that even a word?) Like my previous post, my mom had a seizure, then my Uncle was readmitted into the hospital for panciritus, the infection was so bad he had to have surgery to install a drain cause the infections was going through his body. It was scary going into Hershey Hospital yesterday, seeing him in ICU, he looks like a spitting image of my Grandpa! From the Grey hair right down to his hands. It made me sad to see him there, and it brought back all the memories of him and how he was like a Dad to me, then when he passed my Uncle was next to fill that void, and then we got in a fight, and I didn't talk to him for a year...and now we are super close, he even walked me down the isle on my wedding day. And I think I am talking about this because I took me back to see him hooked to those machines made me think...made me regret not talking to him for a whole year. But, the past is the past, and now we are in the present and I am thankful to have him, My Mom, my Aunt, Victoria and my rock, the man whom I don't know how I would make it through sometimes, My Husband David...

6th folder, 6th picture

I saw this post on my friend's site, in your 6th folder, your 6th picture...

This is my Mom on her cruise, 6 days before she left she had a seizure...and it was funny when I opened it up, just today we had her taken by ambulance to the hospital cause she was starting to have a seizure. She wasn't admited, but she gave us a scare. Its very scary to watch someone you love so much just shake, just quiver and you know what it is, you prepare yourself for the what if's, but still all in all, its your Mom. She is the one you turn to when you have the slightest problem, or you just want to talk...and you don't want to see that person suffer like that. I can imagine what goes through her head, all the Mom fears, will I have a full blown seizure? how will my family deal? Is my daughter in Panic mode right now? And in case my Mom reads this blog...you don't have to worry about us. Its about you...we will be ok knowing that you get the care you need, and we will be there for you no matter what happends. Its ok to lean on us if you need too...thats is what I and the rest of the family is there for. You can draw off our strength and know that we love you very much, so there is no reason to feel scared, or upset. I love you very much Mommy...